Change of attitude imminent

Author: Debra  //  Category: Personal Growth

I work very hard and I care about what I do. I realize that I have a job that looks like it’s fun and cool and that I do it with apparent ease. Sometimes I make it look too easy, there and that bites me squarely in the arse end.

I have worked very hard since I had my first job at 14 where I was a file clerk. I was never satisfied with just doing a good job. I wanted to be a shining star. I like showing off my brain and my talent.

I have earned every single perk and special consideration I have gotten. It’s what I’ve spent my career providing for myself. I understand that some folks would like to say “if everyone can’t do it that way, abortion why should she?” but unless those people have worked for it and negotiated for it, they can’t really complain. Life isn’t fair and balanced, and I have no issue enjoying what I’ve been able to earn. I’d rather serve as inspiration for others to go get what they want out of a career.

I realize that we can’t know what it takes to do another’s job unless we actually do it. I know that most folks have no idea what it really takes for me to pull off the amazing things I do

on a daily basis. They don’t even realize that these things they ask of me, that I deliver with eagerness, are actually amazing in the time frame and with the tools I have.

Which brings me to my change of attitude. I am going to try to put less pressure on myself to complete everything in record time and cease the fretting about work when I’m not actually working. I am no longer going to react to personal criticism when it is unwarranted, because I am not motivated by guilt.  I am going to learn how to accept that sometimes being average is perfectly acceptable in a world where average is a good thing. That was actually very difficult for me to even type. It’s not part of my nature.

But, if I can take the energy I waste trying to be everything to everyone all the time, then I can put it back into the projects that my heart craves. I can put it into my writing and into my art and into my personal growth as well as the wonderful parts of the job I have that I love.  Everyone gets the best from me and I still get to improve.

What I do is part of who I am, but I am not my job. I am so much more.


Author: Debra  //  Category: Personal Growth

One of the things that I struggle with is that there are too many things that I want to work on at any point in time.

So, try I end up doing a lot of dabbling. I do a little bit of this and a little bit of that. And the bits are quite excellent, buy but there’s so much unfinished and unmastered. I want to focus on refining skills as much as I want to increase the volume of skills.

But how do you choose? What gets put into the background and potentially forgotten, seek so that time is spent truly developing talents on one subject?

At work, I want to spend more time with emerging web technologies. HTML5 and CSS3 are calling to me.  I want to branch out to other CMS systems, not just WordPress. I want to program some SQL.

At home, I fall back to knitting in the evenings when I can’t decide what other media to work on. It’s like comfort food when you’re sick. It’s familiar and healing. But it’s also not a growth opportunity, and another passion is put aside while I create in fiber. This isn’t a bad more info

thing, but it sometimes feels like a cop out.

I am learning to work with pastels. But I want to spend more time with watercolor pencils. And then there are those 4 canvases and acrylics sitting patiently, waiting for the crow project I’ve been developing.

And then there’s this growing itch to work with wood. It’s been too long and there is something that makes the core of me feel really right when I can find the object buried inside of a branch. There’s a sandblasting technique I want to try, and lathework I’m longing to do.

Oh, and the pile of steel I am collecting for when I learn to weld and use a plasma cutter.

And writing that book to fund the tools I want. I suppose that still takes precedence.

But today…there’s my 8 to 5 eMarketing job that only allows me coffee breaks to daydream about being a mixed media artist. I am fortunate enough to love my work, since I can satisfy my graphic artist right brain along with my technical coding left brain.

I wish I didn’t waste so much time on sleep when there’s so much creating to do!

from whence we came

Author: Debra  //  Category: Personal Growth

Just spent a week with my folks. It was a good trip. There were a few things I learned that I need to remember.

  • Stress can kill you slowly and painfully.
    • I think that anger can be addicting. Most addictions degrade your life and health, eczema this one is no different.
  • Most anger just isn’t worth it. Let it go.
    • A lifetime of holding on to your anger can actually cause your heart so much stress that it starts to fail. For me, medical this is a genetic reality. I do not want the people and situations that have made my life challenging and difficult to be what ultimately kills me.
  • Anger can make you look petty and foolish.
    • The people you let in to see your anger can see that you are only telling your side of the story. It’s part of being an observer, this that you can see what the angry person is blinded to. Behaving like a frustrated 5 year old doesn’t further your case, and most likely, makes people pity you in the embarrassing way.
  • “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.” – Thomas Szasz
    • That has always rung true to me, but now I think it needs modification. “; the healthy remember only the lesson, not every gory detail.”

I think I have been shown a fork in the road. I will take the path on the right and try with all my might to not wander off into the weeds as often. It just could increase my quality of life now…and 20 years from now.